calling a horny chick for cable installation

I never realized getting cable could be such a daunting task.

We don’t have it (probably the only people in America that don’t) so I call, three days before the start of Texas Longhorn football to see what I can do. Of course the package I saw online was not a package that would work for me. I also apparently needed to upgrade twenty more dollars of crap. So in frustration I hung up, against the guys will since he’s commission, but I knew in order to save my marriage I needed to talk to husband.

Husband let me know he needed every football channel available and hunting channels. And that we needed to cover all three TVs instead of just two for free.

So with this information I called back and got a new guy and attempted to talk to him during what sounded like Times Square on New Year’s Eve happening in his background. After spelling my last name four times and correcting his pronunciation of it three times I started over explaining what we needed. Of course the only option that offers all of that is the most expensive package. Or for three dollars extra a month I could add the hunting channels to the package I wanted.

With all of these new options I decided once again I needed to call husband because I couldn’t determine if we needed ten hunting channels. It was all too much pressure. On the phone with him I decided he would have to call. That way if he locked us into a two year contract and we got something we didn’t want I wasn’t to blame!

So I text him the number and wished him luck.

I apparently text him the wrong number because he text me back letting me know he had called a porn line and a lady came on to ask if he was horny. Oops.

When he hung up they text him so I’m pretty sure his number is forever ingrained in the porno annoy you line.

After giving him the correct number he called back only to hear different prices than I did.

Now he has a horny stranger texting him. And still no cable.

ignorance is bliss

Husband finally took the chupacabra to the vet Friday. I was supposed to take her, but of course something came up I had to do at the exact time I was supposed to take her. And the next option for an appointment time was late afternoon and the vet is downtown Austin. On a Friday. No thank you traffic.

So he went. With specific instructions on what she needed, didn’t need and questions I had.

She came home sick, with an extra injection and several medical problems. Husband might be fired from vet trips. Which I’m sure is fine by him.

She wound up with some bonus shot (that cost us) for in the event she’s exposed to wildlife. Um she’s basically a cat that stays inside and we live in a subdivision. Glad she got that shot.

She also has the worst stage of periodontal disease and receding gum lines. How exciting I’m a terrible dog owner apparently. They also sent an illustration to show me just how bad it is. Thank you for that.

They quoted us a 561$ teeth cleaning, but before she needs to have 100$ of blood work since she’s geriatric to make sure it’s ok to put her to sleep. Awesome.

Then the best part. She has a heart murmur. This could be indicative of impending heart failure or bacteria from her nasty mouth messing up her organs. He gave husband a card to refer us to a dog cardiologist for an echo. I didn’t even realize this was an option for dogs!

So now I’m sad.

Also, she’s not going blind. The actual reason I wanted her to go to the vet in the first place.

grilled cheese jerk

So I gained 3 pounds. How I don’t know. I dropped a considerable amount in January, started eating like a pig and didn’t gain so I thought my metabolism was just rewarding me. Then last week 3 pounds silently snuck on. And I tried to ignore their existence, but when I asked husband he told me he saw it.

Yes he’s still alive.

I decided to go no carb again until I could lose those 3 plus some. Which works, but only leaves you eating meat and veggies and that starts to suck after like 10 minutes.

So today I went to the cafeteria at work to get my grilled chicken and lettuce portion of my lunch salad and while I’m standing in line some rowdy residents in front of me loudly start discussing their lunch choices.

I attempted not to listen which quickly proved impossible because they had to shout to the person 3 inches away. Then the guy resident did it. He commented on wanting a grilled cheese.

Grilled cheese!? I haven’t had you since I was a child and I hadn’t even thought about you since then, but now that the loud almost doctor in front of me said he was getting you I want you. But I can’t. Stupid carbs.

So then my restricted diet and recent annoyance caused me to want to punch him. Why couldn’t he quietly order his grilled cheese without alerting the whole cafeteria?

I powered through and got my grilled chicken and lettuce, but not without struggle. Now I’m left with a craving that will not soon be satisfied.

Thanks almost doctor. I hope that sandwich adds 3 pounds.