driving instructor (clearly) needed

Anyone who knows me knows I’m not a parallel parker. I was fortunate enough to avoid taking a driving test at 16, probably because the instructor feared for his life at the thought of sharing a small easily destroyable space with me. I’ve decided he “passed” me through the driving test so that he could one day enjoy his grandchildren.

As a result I have spent the past twelve years avoiding situations that might require parallel parking. Easy as that may sound, living in Austin makes it damn near impossible. I however, being one that is not easily conquered, will choose to take the “high road”. That means driving around as long as it takes to find a space that I can, without shame, park my car. If that plan fails, I just return home. I probably didn’t really need to go to that appointment for those test results anyways…

I was content living with my driving “handicap” until I began my current job. We are offered two options, a parking garage to park our car in the shade or a side street that many of the Austin Bums call home which offers four elite parking spaces. For those who can parallel park.

The motivating difference is that to park in the shady garage I need to leave my house 15 minutes earlier to give myself enough time to find a spot (this is not Walmart people. You cannot sit and wait as long as you please on a car to maybe back out in the next 15 minutes), park the 3 miles (it seems) from the office, then walk inside (in flip flops, while carrying my heels, my purse, my lunch box and trying to update Facebook). Or I can leave at the normal time, park 20 feet from the door and take my time walking in. All that stood in my way were 4 parallel parking spaces.

Naturally when I show up to the aforementioned 4 parking spaces, there is one space left that I’m pretty sure was intended for a child’s tricycle. However, considering I didn’t allot for the extra time to park in the garage and attempting to ignore the early morning gawkers who apparently have nothing better to do than stand outside and watch me attempt to park, I decide there is no turning back. I must make this my Everest!

Twenty minutes later (so I actually could have parked in the garage and saved time), I successfully maneuvered my tiny car into this spot. As I stood photographing my accomplishment, it occurred to me that unless the person in front of me left first I was never getting my car out. It also occurred to me that the police might randomly search for the owner of my car to check whether the car was parked by a drunken person or a secret parallel parking genius. One or the other…