I have had this bff (because that’s even a real thing when you’re an adult?). We were pals. She’s the one that jumped up and down with me when I announced my engagement. Keeping with the trend she also jumped up and down with me when I announced my nuptial plans in Vegas and we began all the plans for the journey there.
The buzz kill? She didn’t show. Then she became the ex bff. (Now it’s actually a thing).
After forcing 13 apologizes and making her perform ridiculous (non sexual) acts of kindness for me, I let her back in. And by “in” I mean back in the “cool club” where clearly I am the president (of one). But honestly, it wasn’t operating up to its potential without the help of the Vice Prez.
Life was good, she was back, the world was right, incurable diseases might now be cured. Then the Scientists gave up the search for a cure.
It went something like this:
BFF: (via txt) Hey so me and the boyfriend (who happens to be my neighbor so where is my thank you for that hook up?) and Shaquitha (name has been changed to protect privacy) are going to this thing tonight could you keep an eye on my car in the bizarre event the ex girlfriend randomly stalks the house tonight?
Me: (not via txt…just silently to myself). First of all why is the ex girlfriend stalking vehicles a thing? Obviously my car with a mind of its own has proven it could run her over if you’d like. Also and more importantly why has the neighborhood excluding your bff (me) and apparently the crazy ex girlfriend been invited to this thing?
What I actually responded with: “Sure”.
My feelings are dented.
I’m currently in the market for a new bff.
WHAT'S FUNNY???????????????????????
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